20130320 @ Wednesday, March 20, 2013
0 +
Drop XVIII
ごめんね、いいともになれない。
いっぱいいっぱいごめんにいってなれ、ゆるしてくれますか？
バカだから…僕は…本当に…
Been dying to blog since morning, but damn,
right now, I feel so out of it.
I feel so empty and lost, not knowing what i should do.
I wanted to write about how I neglected my friends,
being so self-absorbed and stuffs,
but I... not in the mood.
Then I should know what friends to keep and what not to,
but I can't just throw everyone aside,
all of them played a part in helping me,
I don't want to hurt them or actually
I just don't want to hurt myself.
My mind is stuck on those who put me aside,
or just me thinking they're close to me,
not realizing I was hurting someone else,
the way this person is.
I should know better, being abandoned for like 3-4 times?
I was even betrayed before but that's nothing since no one actually blamed me.
I am too used to being loved.
Everyone forgives me too easily.
And I continue to feel bad.
Still hoping they'd return.
Right, close your eyes.
If they wanted to, they may,
but you wouldn't treat them the same anymore.
If they could afford to leave once,
who says they're not going to leave the second time?
Omg, and I said I wasn't in the mood,
here I am ranting.
Reminds me, a friend whom I thought dearly of,
keep ignoring me, pushing me away,
it wasn't merely a coincidence.
It hurt a lot and when i finally let it go,
she comes back like its nothing.
Of course, I treated nicely, I don't want to hurt anyone.
I have trust issues, or not,
I trust too easily, too naive,
and yet I never show when I'm hurt,
Foolishness or plainly strength,
I do not know.
I shouldn't think too much,
I told myself ten times over,
and yet I'm still thinking about it,
there's no cure.
I am overly insecure,
Overly self-conscious,
Overly self-depreciating,
Overly hatred for people.
It doesn't matter if I'm hurt,
I hoped that you'd be happy and fine,
For you have done good to me.
Night.
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